can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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