I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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