twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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