im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
