i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
