I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
