i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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