I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
