Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
