Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
