After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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