Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
