remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
