It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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