Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
