just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
