NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
