There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
