Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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