Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
