I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
