I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
