You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
