Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
