guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
