hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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