My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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