You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
