Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It's just like the Real World with babies
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
