I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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