He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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