I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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