So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
