this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
