the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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