Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
