the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
pray to the hookup gods
Enjoy the penises
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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