He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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