i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
