so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
