i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
