i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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