she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
