she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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