My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
