Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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