in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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