If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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