my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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