I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
