His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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