I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
